"Command Flows to the Worthy
'Command' is having people listen to you and accept your recommendations and instructions.
'Worthiness' is achieved by:
1.) Being competent,
2.) Understanding everyone’s needs, and
3.) Taking care of people’s needs (both intrinsic and extrinsic).
Everything else about command is a derivation of those three."
—Sebastian Marshall
On Loyalty and Empire-Building: Muhammad and Khadijah, Hideyoshi and Nene
I've scoured the books of history looking for trends—why did this person succeed, when that one failed? Why did this movement shape the world, while that one died out? Why did this nation win, and that one lose?
Some people think accidents explain history. Perhaps accidents explain some of history, but certainly not all. You see common virtues among those who succeeded, and frequently you see common vices among those who failed.
Of the common virtues, the successful seem to have an immense amount of loyalty and reverence for the people that "got them there," revering and celebrating them even as they bring more and more people to their banner. The people who break from their early friends and supporters usually end poorly, in an isolation of their own making.
You can see this with two men that had the biggest impact on their respective cultures—Muhammad in Arabia, and Hideyoshi in Japan.
Both men were low born, but came to be hugely influential. There are a number of similarities in their stories. They both found and married an exceptional, charismatic, diplomatic, high born, highly intelligent woman relatively early in their careers. The wives of these men—Khadijah to Muhammad, Nene to Hideyoshi—were their first, most passionate, and largest supporters when few else believed in them.
But that's where the similarities end. Muhammad went on to be the Prophet of Islam, united the previously warring Arabic tribes, conquered Mecca from the hostile Quraysh, and then all of the Arabian Peninsula. The series of laws, decrees, and messages he spread are one of the most enduring in the world. His own family went on to do well, his three daughters all marrying future Islamic Caliphs, and leading to a long and healthy bloodline and genealogy.
Hideyoshi, of course, became the Second Great Unifier of Japan, finishing Oda Nobunaga's work. He'd risen from sandal-bearing house servant to one of the greatest diplomats and generals in Japanese history. But after being named Kampaku—Grand Regent of All Japan—he led the foolish Korean expedition, executed his nephew and ready successor out of pettiness, and died leaving his family and values with an unstable power vacuum. Not long after his death, Japan broke out in Civil War, with the Tokugawa faction destroying Hideyoshi loyalists. Hideyoshi's bloodlines were exterminated and erased from history.
I've spent a lot of time studying Hideyoshi Toyotomi. The first 50 years of his 60 year life are some of the most luminous and impressive of all time. But the last 10 years of Hideyoshi's life are an unmitigated disaster, the most ridiculous and extreme blundering imaginable.
I've come up with a few different hypotheses about where Hideyoshi went wrong. But certainly—this is key—he paid dearly for his lack of loyalty to the people closest to him at the end of his life.
Hideyoshi had a number of people who helped him build early in his life. Nene, his wife, was key to that. But later, he married a young princess, Yodo-dono, who was very beautiful but didn't have the same wisdom, intelligence, and diplomacy that Nene did. But Hideyoshi progressively started ignoring Nene and favoring the young princess.
It was the beginning of the end. Yodo-dono eventually alienated Hideyoshi from his sister, who had also been extremely loyal and helpful to him. When Yodo gave birth to a son of Hideyoshi's, she demanded for Hideyoshi to execute his sister's son, his nephew who was a smart and capable boy.
Things unravelled quickly. Hideyoshi went on to execute one of his top advisors, Sen no Rikyu, and marginalized a lot of his most loyal supporters. When the Toyotomi Civil War broke out after his death, many of his former supporters defected to the rival Tokugawa camp—and the Toyotomi were destroyed forever.
Muhammad wound up in a similar situation. After Khadijah's death, Muhammad took other wives—but he handled things 180 degrees differently from Toyotomi. He showed immense reverence and loyalty to the people who had gotten him there.
Muhammad's later young wife, Aisha, was jealous of Khadijah's role in his life. Aisha asked Muhammad, wasn't she better than Khadijah? She'd become jealous when he visited her friends and relatives to take care of them.
Muhammad was obviously enchanted with Aisha, but he held more strongly to his loyalty and reverence for Khadijah, saying, "She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand."
This consistency of loyalty and reverence to the people that got him there inspired and moved Muhammad's followers—including the ones who joined later. Truly, it's a noble trait. Whereas Hideyoshi's unraveling and betrayals of his closest people led many of his generals to defect to the enemy.
It's not even about personal gain—it's about a sense of right and wrong. A short-sighted man would think rewarding your new supporters would engender the highest level of loyalty in them, but Hideyoshi proved that false. By taking great care of the people who elevated you from the beginning, you build a stronger foundation that's worthy of respect and admiration—you stay close with your early supporters, and create an atmosphere of calm trust and strength among new supporters.
How to Avoid Exchange-Based Relationships
On this coming Monday or Tuesday, I'll be asking the Director of Sales and Marketing at one of the most prestigious local businesses for $100,000. I have all manner of charts, research, data, and numbers showing why this is an exceptionally good idea that will have a fantastic ROI—and it is a good deal. But still, it's mildly terrifying to present in that sphere.
Part of what I'm going to do is go in and ask for a considerable sum of money, but I'm trying to build a different sort of relationship than most people would think. If they choose my company, we'll be producing lots of good work for high pay—but I'm trying to build something other an exchange-based relationship.
What's an exchange-based relationship? Over the last 10 years or so, researchers have identified two kinds of ways trade and interact and cooperate. The first way would be through "market norms"—this is where two people clearly agree to make an exchange, and deliver what they agreed to exchange, and the deal is concluded. The second way is through "social norms"—where you're looking out for each other's best interests.
Let's go over quickly what market/exchange norms look like and how they push out social norms—then I'll have some ideas and guidelines for your own life.
If you like digging into primary source papers, "Communal and Exchange Relationships: What is the Difference?" by C. Daniel Batson, Pers Soc Psychol Bull, December 1993, vol. 19 no. 6 677-683, is pretty good. If you're more into books, this was covered in Dan Arielly's book Predictably Irrational. And Derek Sivers wrote a review of Predictably Irrational (http://sivers.org/book/PredictablyIrrational) that I highly recommend.
Market norms push out social norms. But I've started to wonder if this can be avoided by always leaving something on the table.
This means getting away from haggling, grinding up/down to the absolute final price someone would pay, and hard selling. For my work, I'm going to be aiming to generate a 10x return on investment over the the next three years. Yes, that's 1000%. I think that's the first part—looking out for their interests and not grinding.
A lot of people don't understand good negotiating. They think it's about getting the best price—no, no, no. Good negotiation is about figuring out what you can offer that's worth more to the other person than you, and what they can offer that's worth more to you than them.
I have some friends that are very good at negotiating. My best friend just turned 30—he started working at age 14 and became a self-made millionaire at age 24 by working really hard and saving/re-investing everything he got. He doesn't try to grind people to the highest/lowest price—he typically overpays for things a little bit, and sometimes tips on top of it—but then he asks for really exceptional service, and always gets it. When he joins in a deal, he looks to deliver 10 times or more what would be expected of him, and to be an absolute maniac for his client's cause.
I think the overall strategy of avoiding exchange-based relationships when doing business is to give such a great deal that the person doesn't feel like they're paying for a deal. If it's obviously a ridiculously amazingly good deal, it almost feels more like a favor than a transaction.
If you're selling, the deal or product you offer should seem like a fantastically good value, like your service existing is a favor to the person doing business with you. Companies like Amazon do a great job of this—they offer tons of free value with great reviews, charge lower prices than traditional bookstores, offer free shipping on medium-sized offers, and take good care of you if anything goes wrong. You get a warm fuzzy feeling with Amazon.
If you're buying, you want to be a dream customer. When I've contracted creative work in the past, I did it very wrong the first time, and right subsequently. The first time, I tried to micro-manage a process I didn't understand. This was six or seven years ago, and we were a buying a high-end, five-figure website. We were the classic scope-creep client—in the end it came out alright, but man, what a hassle for our web designer. In retrospect, I feel bad. Since then, I've changed stripes—I say, "I'm hiring you because you're an expert and know more than me. I have loose guidance, but I want you do to this your way and I'll give you free reign to do your thing and express yourself."
I explain the basics parameters and goals that I've already thought about beforehand, and then give them free run. I get the impression this is very rare, and contractors seem to have a blast working on projects with me.
If you want to stay away from exchange-based feelings, be very enjoyable to work with. Figure out what your client or provider's highest-level goals are, and help them get it. Pay well if you're buying, over-deliver to a ridiculous extent so it's clear you're above and beyond the call if you're selling. And make it enjoyable, really enjoyable, so it doesn't seem like work.
I think you need to be aware and make everyone look good. A lot of times when someone is buying, yes they're concerned with what they get, but they also have other concerns that people ignore. You need to make everyone look good. Definitely aim to over-deliver and generate a 10x return, or to be a dream customer. But then make your contact feel very good about what you're doing, make them look good to the people they want to look good in front of, and raise morale and be very cool to anyone on their team.
That means always having fun and sharing little valuable things with your contact, but also I think reaching out to whoever they report to in a way that's tasteful and makes them look good. Like sending a report to the CEO once a month showing the results built and explaining how it was your contact that did such a great job to make all this happen. Maybe including a little note in there how lucky the CEO is to have such a great member on their team.
Those little details go a long, long ways. Does a guy getting his kitchen remodeled care more about the kind of countertop used, or how his wife thinks about him?
Make people look good to the people they really care about.
You want to be good to people's teams, too. Judd Weiss at Park West had amazingly fast growth in valet parking in Los Angeles, sometimes unseating competitors who had run a location for years. Park West is more upscale, professional, and modern than many competitors—many of whom still have 1980′s fonts and branding, while Park West has clean, modern black and orange colors and uniforms. They offer much better prices and take lower margins than competitors; companies know they're getting an amazing, ridiculously good deal hiring Park West. But then on top of it, Judd takes really good care of the people they work with. He goes and eats at the restaurants that his company does valet work for and tips very high and is very friendly, taking good care of the staff there. If the manager there recognizes him and comps him, Judd tips 100% or more of the price of food for the staff, making everyone look good and feel good.
Looking out for people outside of the scope of the deal can help make it about more than just the deal.
A final thought—this post has been looking at it in the context of doing business, but this also applies in social settings. Notice how co-ops and community groups are rare and fail so often when people try to build them? I think these are good things, people working together to help each other.
I think if you want a co-op or community group to succeed, you need to "de-marketize" money, so people can pass it around in a healthy, non-neurotic way when it's appropriate.
Most co-ops/sharing/community group-type places try to do away with money, but this leaves feelings of guilt or unfairness, and undermines the whole system. I'm pretty sure there'd be a way to jointly chip in different amounts to casually spread and move the money around, get it flowing within the group, so people can use to equalize a situation in the short-term while still avoiding triggering the market norms. This might be difficult, but I think not impossible if done correctly.
Gifts are one way to trade value without triggering exchange/market norms, but I think it can be done with money too, so long as the money represents going for a specific purpose. For instance, let's say there are five families with kids who take turns babysitting. What if whenever one family took all the kids, whoever dropped off each left $5 or $10 or $20 along with it for gas money, activities, and food? You could make clear that the money is just a budget for the kids to play and have fun, but then whoever is watching the kids that day gets to save $10 or $20 in free food and activities. If the number was set right, this would reduce the guilt if one family couldn't babysit as much, and it would be a nice little bonus and flexibility for a family who babysat more often. But instead of being wages, the money is "for the kid's activities and costs"—money is exchanged without incurring the exchange-feelings. And it moves around a little, each family chipping in a little when it's not their turn to watch.
Maybe some other time I'll write my thoughts on avoiding the exchange dynamic in dating—exchange-based intimate relationships seem like building intimacy on quicksand to me, but that's a longer topic for another time. Also, it's okay to have pure exchanges sometimes, like if you're just buying something once. But if you can transcend that, move it beyond the exchange and into looking out for each other, that can be a beautiful thing.
Becoming a Liberal and Magnificent Tipper
I was always pretty frugal with money—I'd spend on good tools, lessons/training/classes for myself (including lots on books), on having unique or developing experiences, and on showing appreciation for people who make me successful. One of my good friends helped me finish an important business deal once that made me a lot of money, and I bought him a plane ticket to Japan to say thanks.
But I never liked spending money on comfort or luxury that doesn't serve a higher purpose. I eat very simply, I sleep simply, I don't need or want much.
Lately though, I've been thinking about how this conflicts with another goal I have—constantly improving my environment. I want every room to better because I was there. And not a little better—a lot better.
I was always a decent tipper, I'd go out of my way to tip great service in particular. But I'm thinking lately I should be an exceptional tipper, even at businesses where I don't want a long term relationship with the establishment.
Not sure why I'm starting to think this way, I'm just starting to think it's correct. I was going through Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics—in particular, there's sections on liberality and magnificence.
From Wikipedia on Liberality (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicomachean_Ethics#Liberality_or_Generosity):
"Stinginess is most obviously taking money too seriously, but wastefulness, less strictly speaking, is not always the opposite (an under estimation of the importance of money) because it is also often caused by being unrestrained. A wasteful person is destroyed by their own acts, and has many vices at once. Aristotle's approach to defining the correct balance is to treat money like any other useful thing, and say that the virtue is to know how to use money: giving to the right people, the right amount at the right time. Also, as with each of the ethical virtues, Aristotle emphasizes that such a person gets pleasures and pains at doing the virtuous and beautiful thing. Aristotle goes slightly out of his way to emphasize that generosity is not a virtue associated with making money, because, he points out, a virtuous person is normally someone who causes beautiful things, rather than just being a recipient."
And from Wikipedia on Magnificence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicomachean_Ethics#Magnificence):
"Aristotle says that while "the magnificent man is liberal, the liberal man is not necessarily magnificent". The immoderate vices in this case would be concerning "making a great display on the wrong occasions and in the wrong way". The extremes to be avoided in order to achieve this virtue are paltriness (Rackham) or chintziness (Sachs) on the one hand and tastelessness or vulgarity on the other. … The aim of magnificence, like any virtue, is beautiful action, not for the magnificent man himself but on public things, such that even his private gifts have some resemblance to votive offerings. Because he is aiming at a spectacle, a person with this virtue will not be focusing on doing things cheaply, which would be petty, and he or she may well overspend."
This is kind of alien to me still—I always believed in taking care of people, but I was always quite frugal. But going forwards, I'm going to be calling people and telling them that if they give me $5,000, my company can work to build them $50,000, and if they give me $500,000, we can work to build them $5,000,000. So I figure, it's time to start taking care of everyone a little bit more.
It's good to be in Vietnam when I decide to put this into motion—things are cheap by Western rates. I went to get a massage at the Saigon Star Hotel and they had really good service, so I decided to tip two guys there that normally don't get tips here in Vietnam—the washroom attendant and the guy who serves noodles in the relaxation room after the massage.
Both guys were good, so I tipped 50,000 VND to each of them. The guy in the relaxation room that serves water, noodles, and fruit was kind of shocked—I said thanks for the good service and waved goodbye. He said, "Wait, wait!" and ran into a back area, ran back, and handed me four envelopes full of cards:
There was card in each one, for a 15,000 VND discount every time you came to their spa. So, that's pretty cool. I'd already been planning on bringing one of my friends there to say thanks to him for having me as a guest in his home—and now it's going to be 30,000 VND cheaper for the two of us to go.
So I'm starting to see—some liberality, some magnificence—doing beautiful things, taking care of people. Constantly improving the environment around me. Building wealth, taking a small fraction of what I build, making every interaction along the way positive with everyone friendly—yeah, I can do that. It still feels strange counting out a 50% tip at a restaurant, and I couldn't afford to do that in a Western country. So I figure this is a good place to start practicing—I'll work to become wealthy enough someday that I can afford to do this even in New York or London. In the meantime this is a good place to start learning how to take greater care of people, to signal that my presence means everyone nearby is going to benefit, to be grateful, to make everyone wealthy … yeah, I'm working on it. Still feels strange—I'm used to being frugal and ultra-conscious with money. But I'll practice. I think this is the way forwards.
Becoming a Person Who Helps People
Do you think it's more virtuous to do $5,000 worth of good for someone and get $0 in return, or to do $10,000 worth of good for someone and get $2,000 in return?
Stop and think about that for a moment. Really, don't read on until you've answered.
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Got an answer? C'mon, think about it. I'll wait.
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Okay. Me, I think it's overwhelmingly more virtuous to do more good and receive more in return.
What's this have to do with being gracious, though?
Well, see, I think people have a problem. Most people believe there's some conflict between giving and receiving. If you put it clearly, most people would say that delivering $10,000 of value and getting $2,000 of it back is better than delivering $5,000 for $0. It's more absolute good, the other person has more, the pie is bigger, and you get compensated too.
But most people cheerlead martyrdom and sacrifice. Most people feel like they should be martyring and sacrificing themselves more, but they also don't like to do it.
Anyway, why cover all this ground?
Because I don't think it's possible to be as gracious and helpful and friendly as a martyring self-destructing guy.
Overwhelmingly, the most gracious people I know are comfortable receiving as well as giving.
Oh, don't get me wrong. The most gracious people I know give far more than they receive, but they also receive.
There's a long running half-joke among successful people. "I'm not an altruist." My friend Judd threw an amazing party for a lot of people he knew one time, he spent like $5,000 to throw this party. And I teased him, I said, "You're such an altruist, dude." And he says, "No no no, no, no, I'm not an altruist."
We all say that. I'm not being friendly and gracious and helpful out of altruism. No, no, no.
I'm doing it because it brings into existence the kind of world I want to live in, it helps me serve my ethics and goals, I enjoy doing it, and perhaps the biggest reason—1 out of 100 people you're friendly and gracious to are going to become amazing friends and confidants and colleagues.
90 out of 100 people are relatively ungracious. 9 out of 100 say thanks and nothing else. But 1 person out of 100 winds up becoming something very special and cool.
Meanwhile, I'm not trying to sacrifice and suffer and martyr myself when I help people. I ask for feedback, I'm friendly and lighthearted about it, and I enjoy it.
A tip—I make connecting with people part of my entertainment time. You know, when most people are watching TV, I'm reading email, writing email, hopping on the phone with people, answering questions, helping other people do strategy.
I usually don't ask for anything in return. Almost never, actually. I try to give a lot. I figure 90 out of 100 people won't give me anything in return, and that's fine, no problem. Still glad they're better off.
9 people say thanks, which is really cool and I really appreciate that. Maybe it sounds stupid, I guess, but I still really like getting encouragement and comments and a friendly email and things like that. I write some rather aggressive pieces condemning the normal way, advocating strength and virtue and imperialism and victory and wealth and things like that. So, y'know, sometimes people take some serious fangs out. I'd like to eventually be mentally strong enough to feel neutral to all kinds of feedback—praise and criticism—but I'm not there yet. In the meantime, kind words and a quick thanks goes a long, long way.
And then … 1 out of 100 people I connect with, we build some amazing shit, some really win/win/win/win positive sum game stuff. I've met some of my best friends through doing random good things, and I know I try to be fanatically loyal to people who do right by me when possible. It's a good thing, helping people.
And it's fun. It's my entertainment time, y'know?
How did that come to be? Have I always been that way?
How did I come to be this way? Slowly.
I realized for a long time it was a good thing to do, but I was still shy about doing it. Dunno why. I think it's a normal human thing. What I did was I started slowly emailing people very short emails to say thank you if a piece of work helped me.
The key is to be short and overwhelmingly gracious. "Hi person. I saw (x thing) and it (meant y to me). I am really grateful for this. Thank you. Sebastian"
Slightly more than that, but not much more. Some people won't reply. No problem. Everyone feels good when they get something like that, even if they don't reply.
Have I always been this way? Nah, it's all learned behavior. All learned. Learned and trained. I added a note to my daily checklist for a while, "Reach out to someone" or something like that. So I'd try to send one nice or thankful email per day, or offer to help someone, or ask quickly what their favorite book is. Baby steps. Now I'm getting fairly a lot of email and comments and people reaching out to me on different sites, and that's really cool. I still try to reach out to people I haven't had any contact with, but now I'm still adjusting to how many people are reaching out to me.
Now, won't this come across as being fake? Won't you get embarrassed?
Here's where I've got to clue you in.
You're going to die.
Being mildly embarrassed isn't going to hurt you.
This is when I really opened up and started reaching out to people, started writing what I really think, started doing a lot more.
I'll tell you the truth. I'll be 100% honest. If you reach out to people, you're going to say some stupid ass something sooner or later and kick yourself. I do multiple times weekly. I shake my head and kick myself.
And y'know what? It's not so bad. I'm in conversations with amazingly cool people. Just signed with LevineGreenberg, a top literary nonfiction agency and I'm working hands-on with Jim Levine, who is amazing. I'm talking to scientists and entrepreneurs and we're swapping notes. I'm helping lots of people, I'm writing a lot, I'm making art, I'm making new friends…
…and yeah, I have 5-10 embarrassing or annoying moments per week. I say something stupid or write something stupid or get a fact wrong or some random anonymous bozo insults me or whatever. It happens.
And you know? I think 5-10 moments like that per week is considerably higher than the normal person has happen to them.
If you reach out to people, you are putting yourself on the line a bit, you will say something stupid sooner or later, and come across poorly.
Oh well.
Do it with good intentions.
I just got an email from a guy who criticized me publicly a while back. He said, upon reflection, his criticisms were mistaken and he thinks I'm doing good stuff. And now we're having a good conversation.
That's pretty cool. I get to do so much cool stuff. The embarrassment … yeah, you have to pay that price. It's not so bad, really. I promise.
Okay, summary time:
1.) Don't try to be suffer or martyr or sacrifice your way into being gracious. It's not sustainable. Enjoy it and have it serve you and your goals.
2.) Enjoy the 9 out of 100 people who say thanks, and especially the 1 out of 100 who becomes something amazing. The other 90 out of 100—meh, so what. They're not people who take action, I guess. That's fine, maybe they'll become action takers later, or maybe not. But 1 out of 100 becoming an excellent friend, colleague, or confidant is pretty amazing.
3.) Make connecting with people part of your entertainment time. Don't make it work time. Do it to relax, to cool off, enjoy it. Think of it as a nice privilege. I really enjoy it.
4.) Stuff like this happens slowly. Incremental progress. Work towards it.
5.) Start by sending out short (the shorter the better) emails to people who you see saying or doing something cool. Even if they don't write back, I guarantee they appreciate it.
6.) Embarrassment and errors are part of doing meaningful things. It's not such a big deal, really. Eventually it becomes less of a horror and more of a shrug-and-roll-your-eyes type thing when you get embarrassed.
7.) Keep in mind you're going to die. It puts things into perspective. Mild discomfort? Who cares, you're going to fucking DIE at some point. DO SOME COOL STUFF BEFORE THAT HAPPENS. As far as I know, you get one bite at the apple that is life. Embarrassment? Dude, eternity stretches before and after us. Embarrassment is your neurochemistry in a mildly uncomfortable position. It doesn't matter at all. None of us are such a big deal that we can't be embarrassed. Do some cool stuff today, there's no reason not to. Thank some people, do some art, drop a line to an old mentor or teacher or to your family or whatever. Life is fleeting. I meditate on this daily, which helps put things in perspective. The worry of being embarrassed pales in comparison to the the very real concern with wasting my limited life energy. The worry of coming across poorly or un-genuine or fake pales in comparison to the very real concern of wasting my limited life energy.
I Think Good Marketing Is Mostly Just Having People Want to Spend Time With You
I never really understood good marketing until I started to respect my own time more. These days, I'm trying to really live 24 hours per day the way I want to be living them. Do you know how much time there is in 24 hours? It's a lot.
Before I respected my own time, I didn't really respect other people's time as much. Don't get me wrong—I was always cool enough, I didn't waste people's time, but I never realized what a magnificent thing people choosing to spend their time with you is. There are so many good places to spend your time—getting entertainment, learning, connecting with good people, building things, inventing, relaxing, thinking, working. When someone spends their time with me, whatever the medium, that's a tremendous honor.
When someone comes to join me at my blog, reads something I write, listens to me speak, meets me for a coffee or we go on an adventure together—there are a hell of a lot of other places they could be, and a hell of a lot of other great things they could be doing with their time.
I think good marketing respects that. Good marketing goes, "This person could be anywhere else—let's make it worth their while." Kathy Sierra, Seth Godin, and Chet Holmes all talk about this—educating people, teaching them, making them want to spend time with you. Being entertaining, or informative, building a place people feel welcome, or strong, or get smarter at.
I think that's most of good marketing—having people want to spend time in and around you, your company, wanting to be associated with what you've got. The rest of good marketing is offering people something worth many, many times more than what you're charging. My current target is 10x—if I'm working to help someone build their revenues, I'm aiming to get them 10 times my fees in net profit, for a 1000% ROI. To be honest with you, I'll settle for 4x and 400%, but I'm aiming for 10.
I want to build and get stronger after that too. Ideally, I could offer people things that are worth 100 times what I charge, to give people things so marvelous and amazing and such good quality that they're amazed it could cost so little.
But honestly, the second part—offering immense quality worth many times what the person pays—that's second to having people want to spend time with you. If people want to spend time with you, because they're learning, because they're entertained, because they feel strong and cool and fashionable and amazing being around you—then everything else goes smoothly. You can tell people what you're doing and let them decide if it's right for them. You're not in such a tremendous hurry when people want to see you and return again and again.
I think the first step to being a great marketer is respecting your own time, and seeing how much is possible to get done when you respect your time. Then start really respecting other people's time—it's amazing what wonderful things can be done with time if you're spending it well. So acknowledge that, be aware that it's an honor, a privilege, a blessing if people want to spend even 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 5 minutes with you here and there. Make it the best time they ever spend, give people what they want, really respect their time. If you do that, if you deliver and make every minute someone spends with you a great minute, marketing will become easier and more joyful all the time.
The Three Basic Ways to Connect With More People
"How can you start connecting with people across the world and helping them in some way?"
Well, the way I see it, there are exactly three basic ways -
1.) Get introductions
2.) Reach out to people
3.) Do something prominent and solicit people to reach out to you
#3 is the easiest once you get it going, but it can be hard to get going. What could your #3 be? A blog, a magazine, creating a student or youth organization in your area, creating a charity, joining and becoming a main member of a charity, contributing to open source projects, joining a discussion forum and becoming a top contributor … .
All of those take a while. I did lots of #2 before people were reaching out to me. The reply rate is much lower. You just have to realize it's worth doing and do it despite the low reply rate. It does suck if you write a few letters/emails in a row and get no replies, and that does happen. But just remind yourself that it's a required part of doing stuff and keep going.
On #1, I refer you to the book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi, who covered all of this much better than I could. He's got all kinds of great insights in there, highly recommended.